A Romantic relationship involves two people who stake an interest with each other to be together for an extended period of time (with the eventual goal of the rest of their lives, though this isn’t always the case). They are partners in life during that relationship and in order for a relationship to work each person must bring their half, their full 50% in order to get a complete 100%. The problem with any struggling relationship or one that went bad can be identified when one or both didn’t give a satisfactory percentage to the other resulting in discrepancies (arguments, disagreements, and overall unhappiness).
Before I go any further lets take a quick run through at finding the right partner to even try a relationship. I hope everyone realizes that looks are not everything, and neither are the things that go with it. I know many people who only go after certain “type” or “look” and wonder why they don’t have much success. Also be sure that you are on the same page as far as goals and expectation page being on the wrong page leads to many relationship failures. And finally before we get into this a disclaimer, everyone must realize that in searching for their significant other you are at risk to run into the immature, trifling, damaged, or downright ignorant possibilities that exist for both males and females.
A big problem I find with many relationships is people who are not complete themselves trying to be in a relationship. No matter the reason, be it some form of mental, physical, or emotional abuse in their past, or a series of bad experiences with relationships, one cannot shortchange the possibility of future relationship success by carrying bad luggage. Even worse is hanging the mistakes and faults of past partners gone wrong over this person you are trying to be in a relationship with. You cannot make person C pay for the mistakes of the previous A and B. If you find yourself still struggling with issues from a previous relationship then take the time to avoid them (and subsequently dealing with anyone) until you take the time to heal properly. There is nothing worse than allowing your own emotional issues ruin another relationship (and possibly create bad experiences for someone else). Also one should ask themselves am I mature enough for a relationship or would I rather be “open” to running around and “experiencing” other people as I grow (make sure you figure this out and don’t hurt anyone while trying to find you own way).
The other issue is that people don’t know how to give their all properly. They either give too much (trying to cover for the other’s deficiencies) or they give too little (creating said deficiency). Nobody can give more than 100% despite what many motivating clichés may say. Trying to go beyond your own 100% for any reason, be it compensating for your partners lack of anything from esteem, respect, priority, or even love and care can cause damage to yourself and the overall relationship. Doing so puts a strain on yourself and does not help your partner grow or get better at what they are lacking. Instead make sure proper communication about your wants and needs (and your partners too) are communicated, and do your best to find out what you guys need to work on in order to meet them for one another.
Finally realize that all relationships either last till death, or unfortunately end badly (with the rarity of a “good” ending). Someone once asked me “what’s wrong with me? Why do my relationships keep coming to a heartbreaking end?” First one must realize that a relationship is an emotional and spiritual investment, so if it doesn’t work then there WILL be pain and questions left behind. Just because there is a failure doesn’t mean there is necessarily anything “wrong” with you. As with any situation one should always look realistically in the mirror to identify what they did wrong and could do better, and everything isn’t automatically the other persons fault. Sometimes two people who are nice and good just are not the right match for one another, also just because it didn’t work doesn’t mean there is no hope. Fearing failure is one of the worst attitudes you can have in life, and can prevent its full potential.
In the end communication can never be stressed enough when it comes to relationships, especially early on in them. By figuring out your goals and expectations you can avoid many headaches before they start to become painful. When early on don’t try to portray yourself as the “perfect” partner, being upfront here will make a better relationship and save you future troubles. After you guys are on the same page make sure each person is a complete individual, capable of being on their own, not needy of each other, but wanting. Finally cast aside all preconceptions, mistrusts and doubts and judge each person on their own character and what they display to you. Never forget your past lessons, but learn to properly apply them, so that you can find what you’re looking for. Remember to never give up hope, and never let a demon of the past capture your potential for future victory; by holding on to those bad experiences, you give the person responsible for them power over you. Let go, live, and learn.
Showing posts with label Work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Work. Show all posts
Monday, January 4, 2010
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
The New Millenium Man?
I’m not even sure where to begin on this one; I think to myself how has the idea and concept of being a “man” gone so wrong? Men are supposed to be the backbone of the family, the support, the breadwinner, the first example to baby boys of how to be strong and loving, and the first example to baby girls of what a real man looks like, and what a husband should be. I think it’s when the “man” decided to decline into the anti-family, responsibility skirting, proud to do wrong, overall poor excuse that he has become today. I can only address those 3 issues (there are more but I believe these are the worst offenders) at a time, so let’s begin:
The “anti-family” man is now the norm, what a shift from the good old days of the proud family man. Society and culture has shifted from a young man running around and finally settling down to raise a family, to blowing clean into full even middle aged and beyond adulthood with no regard or care to family. Isn’t there an age limit on being a bachelor? I guess 30 is the new 20 because the lack of maturity in 30+ year old men still dressing like they did when they actually were 20 is ridiculous. Sure not everyone is or should be married, some guys just aren’t the type that could or need to get married cause it would only lead to calamity. However some people never grow up, and clubbing it up well into your mid 30s is nothing to be proud of (this goes for women as well).
Skirting responsibility? No not real men? Right? Another sad but true statement. A great turning point in the decline of American society is the age where men got women pregnant and didn’t step up to the plate. Whether it was your main squeeze or women on the side, your child is your child. There was a once upon a time when men and women got married if the women was pregnant or at least got together in an effort to TRY to make it work. Now instead men just keep it moving and never look back, they carry on with their lives or with their main squeeze (after getting women on the side pregnant) like nothing ever happened. This has create a generation where having a single parent is way too common, and now that generation is trying to raise children of their own while hitting the same pitfalls that their parents hit for lack of guidance and example. Then there are guys who figure if they send some money, pay child support, and give a call or visit from time to time they can say they took care of responsibility and are worthy to be called fathers. Responsibilities are not just financial, they are emotional and spiritually to your children to do right by the women they call mom, and by them to show them a good example and give guidance.
The standard of what is now easily accepted as man hood has fallen so low that we are now proud to do wrong, and we don’t hold ourselves or those around us accountable for their misdoings? We applaud a man who goes and uses and abuses women, even gets them pregnant and keeps it stepping, and if we aren’t applauding with praises of “pimp” and “player” we are condoning by not speaking up at all like it’s all good. Even when we do call a guy a “man-whore” or “ho” it’s still not negative, we still act like its ok. How can one man call another trustworthy or reliable when they lie regularly and skip their responsibilities to everyone but their “boys”. If we had the fortitude to hold each other accountable, and challenged and treated wrong for what it is, then maybe we wouldn’t live in a world where such behavior is acceptable.
In conclusion is I say it once I will say it a thousand times, nobody is perfect and we all do wrong and make mistakes, but real men (and yes real women) own up to them and make them right. I will be the harshest with the men, because we are supposed to be just that, men. Even in light of the recent tragedy of Steve McNair, who was an outstanding NFL QB, and humanitarian, who was murdered by the women he was cheating on his family with. No matter how good we would like him to of been, he died because he was doing wrong, and he didn’t get a chance to make it right, he lost his life and in the process failed his wife AND children. When a man cheats on his wife with kids, he cheats on the children as well. It’s hard to explain the love and care you have for a person when you disrespectfully do their mother wrong. And for the record let it be known if you are in a relationship, break it up before cheating, be a real man and tell her you’re not happy and end it right before you end it wrong and cowardly. For all those who may read this, and you know you are guilty of the above or worse, then it is never too late to turn it around and make things right. Don’t be content to just let it be, or discouraged by the right rage and hardship that owning up may bring, because as we saw not everyone gets a chance to fix things. Life is short, so live it, that doesn’t mean go buck wild, it means live to the fullest with respect to it, to yourself, all those whom you will encounter and affect, and the potential children you will leave behind.
The “anti-family” man is now the norm, what a shift from the good old days of the proud family man. Society and culture has shifted from a young man running around and finally settling down to raise a family, to blowing clean into full even middle aged and beyond adulthood with no regard or care to family. Isn’t there an age limit on being a bachelor? I guess 30 is the new 20 because the lack of maturity in 30+ year old men still dressing like they did when they actually were 20 is ridiculous. Sure not everyone is or should be married, some guys just aren’t the type that could or need to get married cause it would only lead to calamity. However some people never grow up, and clubbing it up well into your mid 30s is nothing to be proud of (this goes for women as well).
Skirting responsibility? No not real men? Right? Another sad but true statement. A great turning point in the decline of American society is the age where men got women pregnant and didn’t step up to the plate. Whether it was your main squeeze or women on the side, your child is your child. There was a once upon a time when men and women got married if the women was pregnant or at least got together in an effort to TRY to make it work. Now instead men just keep it moving and never look back, they carry on with their lives or with their main squeeze (after getting women on the side pregnant) like nothing ever happened. This has create a generation where having a single parent is way too common, and now that generation is trying to raise children of their own while hitting the same pitfalls that their parents hit for lack of guidance and example. Then there are guys who figure if they send some money, pay child support, and give a call or visit from time to time they can say they took care of responsibility and are worthy to be called fathers. Responsibilities are not just financial, they are emotional and spiritually to your children to do right by the women they call mom, and by them to show them a good example and give guidance.
The standard of what is now easily accepted as man hood has fallen so low that we are now proud to do wrong, and we don’t hold ourselves or those around us accountable for their misdoings? We applaud a man who goes and uses and abuses women, even gets them pregnant and keeps it stepping, and if we aren’t applauding with praises of “pimp” and “player” we are condoning by not speaking up at all like it’s all good. Even when we do call a guy a “man-whore” or “ho” it’s still not negative, we still act like its ok. How can one man call another trustworthy or reliable when they lie regularly and skip their responsibilities to everyone but their “boys”. If we had the fortitude to hold each other accountable, and challenged and treated wrong for what it is, then maybe we wouldn’t live in a world where such behavior is acceptable.
In conclusion is I say it once I will say it a thousand times, nobody is perfect and we all do wrong and make mistakes, but real men (and yes real women) own up to them and make them right. I will be the harshest with the men, because we are supposed to be just that, men. Even in light of the recent tragedy of Steve McNair, who was an outstanding NFL QB, and humanitarian, who was murdered by the women he was cheating on his family with. No matter how good we would like him to of been, he died because he was doing wrong, and he didn’t get a chance to make it right, he lost his life and in the process failed his wife AND children. When a man cheats on his wife with kids, he cheats on the children as well. It’s hard to explain the love and care you have for a person when you disrespectfully do their mother wrong. And for the record let it be known if you are in a relationship, break it up before cheating, be a real man and tell her you’re not happy and end it right before you end it wrong and cowardly. For all those who may read this, and you know you are guilty of the above or worse, then it is never too late to turn it around and make things right. Don’t be content to just let it be, or discouraged by the right rage and hardship that owning up may bring, because as we saw not everyone gets a chance to fix things. Life is short, so live it, that doesn’t mean go buck wild, it means live to the fullest with respect to it, to yourself, all those whom you will encounter and affect, and the potential children you will leave behind.
Friday, May 15, 2009
A Honest Day's Work
Before the sun ever breaks the dark morning sky
He is awake in the middle of the night
His hair has gone silver as tribute to time gone by
His body creaks as he moves about
He prepares the same way every morning
Off to another day of work
An uneven swing of the door signals its time to be fixed again
He opens the closet of his tools for work and sets his things down along side them
The usual routine begins as he inspects what needs to be done
He shakes his head as he flushes the toilet that someone forgot to do themselves
His back creaks as he bends to pick up the trash that fell short of the can
With a jerk he pulls the full bag out and replaces it with a new one
He gets his bucket and brushes and cleans every toilet
With another brush he scrubs every sink of dried toothpaste and water
He returns to his closet and summons the mop and bucket
With the expertise of years behind him he quickly cleans the floors
With a cloth he even cleans the water fountain to a shine
He cleans and replaces all his tools and reaches into his pocket for a single dollar
He walks over to the same vending machine and purchases another root beer
just like he has for the last 40 years he sits on the couch and takes a deep sip
Another job well done
The soda becomes his only thanks as he finishes it with a deep sigh
The man collects his things and moves on to the next building
People begin to enter the building and make short work of his hours of cleaning
Already trash has hit the floor next to an empty can, where it will wait for him
By the end of the night the man returns to his small home
His wife prepares dinner as he quickly showers to eat
He says his prayers and lays down in the same spot next to the same woman
He sleeps well after an honest days work, until the clock goes off again
This one is dedicated to all the hard workers out there, who often go under appreciated. I wrote this after watching a janitor clean out the bathroom of my dorm every morning at about 5AM (i was waking up for spring training), he actually did his job well, and not more that an hour before he finishes people just walk all over the work he did. Think about someone else sometimes...
He is awake in the middle of the night
His hair has gone silver as tribute to time gone by
His body creaks as he moves about
He prepares the same way every morning
Off to another day of work
An uneven swing of the door signals its time to be fixed again
He opens the closet of his tools for work and sets his things down along side them
The usual routine begins as he inspects what needs to be done
He shakes his head as he flushes the toilet that someone forgot to do themselves
His back creaks as he bends to pick up the trash that fell short of the can
With a jerk he pulls the full bag out and replaces it with a new one
He gets his bucket and brushes and cleans every toilet
With another brush he scrubs every sink of dried toothpaste and water
He returns to his closet and summons the mop and bucket
With the expertise of years behind him he quickly cleans the floors
With a cloth he even cleans the water fountain to a shine
He cleans and replaces all his tools and reaches into his pocket for a single dollar
He walks over to the same vending machine and purchases another root beer
just like he has for the last 40 years he sits on the couch and takes a deep sip
Another job well done
The soda becomes his only thanks as he finishes it with a deep sigh
The man collects his things and moves on to the next building
People begin to enter the building and make short work of his hours of cleaning
Already trash has hit the floor next to an empty can, where it will wait for him
By the end of the night the man returns to his small home
His wife prepares dinner as he quickly showers to eat
He says his prayers and lays down in the same spot next to the same woman
He sleeps well after an honest days work, until the clock goes off again
This one is dedicated to all the hard workers out there, who often go under appreciated. I wrote this after watching a janitor clean out the bathroom of my dorm every morning at about 5AM (i was waking up for spring training), he actually did his job well, and not more that an hour before he finishes people just walk all over the work he did. Think about someone else sometimes...
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